You and Your Manager

“How do you describe your relationship with your manager?” I was having a delicious dim sum lunch in Santa Clara with a friend, suddenly this topic came up. “Ah … my manager is nice to me. But he does not give me ideas what I should do next to advance my career. He asked me to look around and tell him what I should do.” “Hmm, a “nice” manager. Is it enough?” I had my last juicy dumpling and contemplated the answer. “A nice, friendly manager is definitely better than an evil or bad tempered one. But the relationship between you and your manager should not be centered around being nice.” First of all, you and your manager are in a business relationship: your manager gives you the compensation according to your contributions to the business; they should offer opportunities and resources for you to grow into your desired career level. It is a partnership, not friendship. If you contribute well to your business goal, but your manager does not provide the opportunity for you to grow, they are not fulfilling their side of the deal. Secondly and "ideally", your manager should be your coach: someone who can tell you what you are doing well, but most importantly what you are NOT doing so well. A coach tells you what you need to do to get better. Being nice is a bonus, but not a necessity for a good coach. The coach that only says nice things to you is not the one who will help you grow. Thirdly also "ideally", your manager is the producer of the movie of this stage of your career, you are the lead actor/actress. The producer is responsible for securing the resources, funding and networking to get the movie production going. You should do your best to make a great movie by playing your role, so that you and your manager can split the profit. You and your manager can form different relationships depending what stage you are at in your career: 1. business partners, when your skills match the opportunities your manager offers you 2. athlete-coach, when your skills are less than the opportunities, you need coaching to grow your skills 3. actor/actress-producer, when your skills are bigger than the opportunities you get, you need a bigger stage You can be friends, but that is orthogonal to these three important relationships. A manager’s job is to know 1. “What” should be done next and “why” 2. “When” to do what? 3. “Who” should do it You job is to know 1. how to do your gig well 2. how to become better and 3. when is time to leave for bigger stages When it works well, you and your manager are in a win-win relationship. By helping you advance your career, your manager also advances their career. If your manager is nice to you, it is because you are useful to the business as a resource, after that you are also a nice person they kinda of like. Make sure you get the order right!